Mamata govt releases world map

The TMC government in West Bengal headed by Mamata Banerjee today released a new political world map today. The map, released in a press conference shows five countries missing - China, Laos, Vietnam, North Korea and Cuba. The Mamata government claims that these countries do not exist.

TMC Vice President Derek O'Brien, speaking in a press conference said "These "communist countries" do not exist. Their existence was concocted by the CPM in West Bengal to further their own interests. By creating a country like China - large in area, population, economy, manufacturing, the CPM were trying to show that communists can run a country very efficiently. This however is false; these countries do not exist "

He went on to add that the CPM's propaganda machinery worked overtime over the past 30 years, and the CPM bullied the press into printing articles about these 5 countries, including stories about a Fidel Castro, the Cuban Missilie crisis when they also claimed that Russia was a communist country,US presence in Vietnam, etc. The 'C' in the new economic group BRICS doesn't exist, it is only BRIS."

In a related development, the WB government is also considering to get CPM supporters to wear red stars on their clothing.

India institutes Whistle Ratna award

The Government of India today announced the Whistle Ratna award, to acknowledge the efforts of whistle blowers. This award will be presented to any whistle blower - civilian or military. And the Government has selected Gen. V K Singh, the chief of the Indian Army as the very first recipient. It should be noted that Gen. Singh brought to light India's defence under-preparedness, corruption, etc in a series of letters to the PMO and MoD, which were then 'leaked'.

The Government also believes that this award will placate the angry general who has been undermining national interest by talking bringing defence secrets  out in the presence of delegations from 'not-so-friendly' China and Pakistan in the country. The general in a short written statement said that he is very happy with the award.

The proposal  was initially opposed by Ms. Mamta Banerjee who called it a communist plot, and by Ms J. Jayalalitha, who expressed concern on possible nuclear fallout.

Italian guards offer pasta settlement to fishermen families

The Italian guards who are accused of gunning down two fishermen in Indian waters have offered an out of court settlement to the families. The two fishermen were perceived as pirates and shot at by the Italian guards despite no provocation from the fishermen leading to their arrest. The event also escalated into a diplomatic row between India and Italy.

The accused guards have requested an out of court settlement, and offered a a lifetime supply of pasta to the families of the two fishermen. This was revealed at a press conference held by the Italian envoy Deputy Foreign Minister Staffan De Mistura.

"The wife of one of the slain fishermen has asked for a compensation of Rs. 1 Crore. The guards have instead offered a supply of any variety of pasta that the families desire. They will be getting a 5 kg bag every month and it will be top quality pasta." said Mr De Mistura. He also added "If the shipment fails to arrive, then Italy will extradite the two guards to India."

This is an unprecedented offer, and the families of the two slain fishermen are  getting legal advice on the next course of action.

Italy continues to claim that the incident happened in international waters and the soldiers must be tried in Italy. However, Indian authorities refuted the claim and had arrested the two guards after the ship was escorted to shore by the Indian Coast Guard.

Govt withdraws cases against Google, Facebook; To use their storage and search

The Government of India has withdrawn the cases relating to posting of objectionable content against Google and Facebook, Kapil Sibal, central minister of Communications & Information Technology stated in a press conference today.

Sibal had earlier stated that companies must pre-screen content before making it available on the web. Last month, the government had also sanctioned prosecution of Google and Facebook objectionable content posted on sites hosted by them. Both companies have steadfastly maintained that they cannot be held accountable for content posted on their sites, pre-screening is technically impossible, and it also violates the right to free speech.

The sudden withdrawal of the case comes as a surprise. However, it is learnt that both companies have reached a settlement with the government, and are embarking on Project 1983.365 where they will host various private information that the government has gathered about individuals over time and from the UUID and National Population Register projects. A Google employee on condition of anonymity stated "It is much cheaper to spend a few hundred dollars on large capacity hard disks than the loss of business we would incur if the Government were to force us to stop operations". When asked how the companies stand to gain, the employee said "The data we get from the Government is semi-structured. And will be a wonderful test set for our search and data mining algorithms. We will also provide the government with software it mine data from this store.

Kapil Sibal refused to accept or deny this information and stated that "the Govt of India" is not a big brother and respects everyone's rights.

Oprah sponsors political party in India, buys Kolaveri rights.

Oprah Winfrey announced today that she will be sponsoring a new political party in India, After visiting the "charmingly chaotic" country, meeting the Bachchan family, and attending a plethora of parties, the celebrity announced that she will be sponsoring a new political party.

As for the agenda of the party, she said, that it will be no different from the agenda of any other party. But, in addition the party will host its own talk show where celebrities could interact with the party members.She said, "I will not be able to relocate to India due to personal reasons, however I will sponsor the party for a period of 1 year, and  will continue to be the chief mentor".

As the party anthem, Oprah mentioned that she has already purchased the rights for the popular "Why this Kolaveri" song and intends to use that as the anthem. She said that the song is very inspirational and will motivate people, though she refused to comment on what she found inspirational in it. 

MEA expels Chinese diplomats. Says they are "Made in China"

The Ministry of External affairs today expelled all Chinese diplomats and has asked for the embassy to be vacated. This move comes under growing concern and pressure of fake products made in China, but carrying well known Indian brands and labels being sold in India.

 Taking note of the fake products issue, the Government of India decided to ban everything made in China. Following up on this development, the Ministry of External Affairs today ordered the Chinese embassy to be vacated and all diplomats to leave the country, because they were also "made in China".

The Chinese government said that this move was not good for improving bilateral relations between the two countries and has requested that the Ambassador and two other diplomatic staff be allowed to stay, because they were not conceived in China. The MEA is reportedly considering the request and expected to take a decision by tomorrow.

Gujjars, Meenas strike in Rajasthan. Demand equal share of Bhanwari Devi case

Two major clans in Rajasthan, the Gujjars and the Meenas went on strike in the state today, crippling most activities except essential services. Both the clans claim that the members of the state legislature are unfairly hogging the spotlight in the Bhanwari Devi kidnapping and murder case.

In a jointly organized press conference at Jaipur today, spokespersons from both tribes stated that the current MLAs and MLCs are conspiring to ensure neither clan gets any exposure in the disappearance and subsequent killing of Bhanwari Devi. Former minister Mahipal Maderna and Parasram Bishnoi were remanded to judical custody till the 24th of December, and her husband, Amar Chand was recently arrested by the CBI.

The tribes say that they haven't been given their due in this case of sleaze, lies, and political aspirations, and that the men of the caste were feeling outcast in their own state. They have demanded and apology from Maderna for not having a Gujjar/Meena involved and have asked for written assurance that going forward, an equal number of members from each tribe will be.part of any such act. They will withdraw their strike only after getting the assurance from the chief minister.

This is a rare show of unity by both clans which were at loggerheads in 2004  after Gujjars started an agitation to get included in list of Scheduled Tribes.

Bhajji enters Big Boss

Indian cricketer Harbhajan Singh  gate-crashed into the Big Boss house today, less than a week after Andrew Symonds was brought in. Both Symonds and Bhajji are not part of their respective teams for India's tour of Australia.

In addition to gate-crashing the house, Bhajji also carried along with him a mysterious bag, which he said was a present for Symonds, which must be handed to him when he exits the house, either through eviction or winning.

There is much speculation about the present, and strong indicators suggest that it might be a stuffed monkey.

Meanwhile, S. Sreesanth, who was allegedly slapped by Bhajji during an IPL match, sent him the best wishes to stay on in the house and possibly win the season. In a press release, Sreesanth told Harbhajan to 'make it large in Big Boss, because his cricketing career is all but over'. Harbhajan or his agent were unavailable for comment.

Story idea thanks to Neets

Tokens sold at token fast.

The token fast undertaken by Anna Hazare took on an all-new meaning today with  tokens being sold at the venue. The numbered tokens were actually tickets to enter the venue where Hazare is on a day long fast in order to press the government to enact a strong anti-corruption law.

Supporters could redeem the token for one cup of hot beverage (tea/coffee/milk) and some biscuits available at the venue.  It was understood that the move was proposed by Ms Kiran Bedi, who was recently accused of inflating her travel bills and obtaining an excess reimbursement. Ms Bedi's had already spent the excess money she had received and decided to use selling tickets as a means of raising funds. The move, however, was approved by the core committee which decided to sell tickets and all profits would go to the funds for 'India Against Corruption'.

In addition to entry tokens, special tokens were also available for people who intended to shake hands with any of the core committee members. However, none of these were reportedly sold.

Ashwin to endorse brain power boosting products

R. Ashwin got himself a lucrative product endorsement deal after accepting to endorse "brain power boosting" products marketed by  a leading herbal products firm in India. Details on the amount being paid or the name of the company have not been announced by Ashwin's agent. The endorsement offer came in the wake of the complete brain freeze that Ashwin suffered in the last over of the final test match against the West Indies.

With  two runs required off the last ball, Ashwin chose to do a 'Ranatunga walk' for the first run and reluctantly ran the second, only to be run out, denying India a 3-0 win against the visitors.

Ashwin will be endorsing a Brahmi based product line in particular. Brahmi is believed to improve brain functions, like alertness and memory, both of which seemed to take leave of the Man of the Series. The advertisement is expected to feature footage of the last ball and a tag line : "You don't want this to happen to you. Use Brahmi'.

Mayawati gifts statue to Sebastian Vettel

Sebastian Vettel with the Mayawati Statue

Chief Minister of Uttar Pradesh (UP), Ms Mayawati, gifted a statue of herself to Sebastian Vettel who won the inagural Indian F1 Grand Prix on Sunday, in an event held at the FIA headquarters in Paris. The F1 Grand Prix was held at the Budh Circuit in Greater Noida, Uttar Pradesh. Vettel took both pole position and winner honours in the race.

The chief minister has already put up statues of herself all over the state and wanted to  gift the  winner immediately after the race. However,  F1 supremo Bernie Ecclestone and FIA president Jean Todt persuaded her that the gift must be presented at the FIA heaquarters.

In the press conference that followed, Vettel said that he would carry the statue in his car in all future races and will lose weight to compensate for the statue's weight. It is also learnt that Ms Mayawati has already spoken to Ecclestone, Todt, and the Jaypee group to handout Mayawati plush toys at next year's Indian GP.

Stray dogs to teach pedestrians

The Bangalore municipal corporation (BBMP) has embarked on a project to improve road sense amongst pedestrians in Bangalore. Started in collaboration with the Road Transport Office and various NGOs, the project intends to use stray dogs to teach better road sense to pedestrians. It has been observed by drivers that pedestrians do not pay any attention to the surroundings  and tend to step into the path of fast moving vehicles with no concern for their lives. Strays on the other hand, pay more attention to the traffic and cross the streets with a safe distance between them and the oncoming vehicle.

Over the years, strays have attacked innocent joggers, and even mauled children to death. But the NGOs have cried themselves hoarse against the killing or even neutering of these dogs. However, with this initiative, these dogs will now become government servants, like canine squads used by the police. The move has been generally welcomed by all parties.

Indian beggar pays income tax

The Indian income tax authorities today issued notice to the beggar woman who was handed a $100 note by socialite Paris Hilton. It was reported earlier in the media, that Ms Hilton stopped her vehicle near the Andheri locality in Mumbai and handed the money to the woman, who did not have any clue of who the person was or how much the single currency note amounted to in Indian Rupees.

The Income Tax authorities stated that an income of 5000 per day amounts to 150,000 per month, which is above the no-tax income bracket. Using recorded  proof of the income, the I-T authorities identified the woman and have issued a 'non payment of tax' notice. The woman has been asked to pay the income tax by the 15th of October, failing which she will also have to pay fines.


Image courtesy: IBN Live
Special news item tag: 'one day in mumbai'

Government issues pre-emptive condemnation

The Central Government today issued pre-emptive condemnation of all attacks that could disrupt public life. The condemnation comes in the wake of intelligence reports that warned of possible terror attacks on luxury buses plying between Mumbai and Ahmedabad.

Repeated failures of intelligence has seen India fall victim to audacious attacks of terror including the attacks on parliament, blasts in trains in Mumbai, the attack on the Taj hotel in 2008, and very recently, the blasts in Delhi.

Union Home Minister P. Chidambaram, speaking in a press conference, said "We have received the reports and would like to issue an immediate, strong condemnation.
We hope that the pre-emptive condemnation will deter the assailants from executing their plan". The minister also mentioned that the all round condemnation issued after the Delhi blasts has already killed at least one terrorist. Therefore the pre-emptive condemnation is a warning of possible consequences.

Amitabh Bachchan peeved at Janardhana Reddy

Illegal mining baron and former MLA, Janardhana Reddy who is currently cooling his heels in Hyderabad's Chanchalguda Central Jail raised a new request today. Unhappy with his inmate number (697), he has handed a request to be given inmate number 786. Such a request is the first of its kind in the entire country.

In his written request to the warden, Reddy  says that he is a fan of Bollywood superstar Amitabh Bachchan, and would like to get 786 as his inmate number.

Amitabh Bachchan, who is already trying to maintain his distance from Amar Singh, was not very happy with yet another tainted politician attempting to get friendly. Further, the unwritten rule is that Mr. Bachchan is the unofficial owner of that number because all his movies where he sported it became superhits.

New products and reality - Apple's challenges

Close on the heels of Steve Jobs announcing his resignation, Apple today announced additions to its gadget and app store portfolio with three new Jobs-inspired products - iResign, iRetire, and u-r-Fired.

The apps, designed for iPhone and iPad, cost $99.99, while the tri-functional limited edition gadget is now available for online-order at $79.99. Apple spokesperson, Tom Neumayr, said that "Apple is giving a choice for users to either pay $20 extra for an application that will run on their existing device or buy a new limited edition device."

When asked about the name 'u-r-Fired', he said "The 'i' prefixed naming very effective at playing at consumer's ego. But iAmFired seemed gramatically odd, and iHaveBeenFired was too long a name. So we opted for u-r-Fired. We don't believe the name is going to affect sales, because we have a very specific target market for it. On the contrary, this limited edition app will actually be a keepsake item."

With Jobs' exit, Apple execs are now said to be facing their biggest challenge ever : reality. Job's Reality Distortion Field was able to bring the company out of its worst days in the late 90s to the profitable entity it is today. With that gone, the execs see that all they are left with are a bunch of fanbois, most of whom are uptight, self indulgent snobs with a fetish for with cuboids with rounded edges and painted white.

Reservation demanded for watching Aarakshan movie

The movie Aarakshan has now been drawn into a fresh and rather unusual controversy. The movie deals with the issue of reservation has seen its fair share of controversies prior to release. The various socio-political groups claiming to represent the 'backward castes' of India initially claimed that the movie was inaccurate/insensitive/misrepresenting truth etc without watching the movie.

Today however, things took an interesting turn as the same groups also demanded for reservation of seats in theaters for watching the movie. In a written letter to the Central Government and the Central Board of Film Certification, the groups stated that "Because this movie is about reservation, it is but natural to ensure that reservation is applied by theaters when selling tickets. The theaters must follow the reservation quotas set by the respective state government".

This demand means that each person intending to watch the movie must carry caste identification when purchasing the ticket - advance bookings have therefore been cancelled. If the seats earmarked for the backward castes does not get filled, then it will be provided to the upper castes.

It is believed that leaders like Mayawati, who have espoused the cause of upliftment, have also offered their moral support to the demand.

India IT wins ACM Turing Award

The Association of Computing Machinery (ACM) today announced that the Alan Turing Award for 2011 has been awarded to outsourcing companies in India for successfully passing the Turing Test.

The ACM in a press release said that for the past few years, India companies who have been providing customer support services have been successfully using computers to handle the first level of support, and not a single customer complained that they felt they were talking to a computer.


Using 'text to speech' and 'speech to text' software, advanced machine learning and AI techniques, computers were used to provide first level of support for all calls. A team led by Marvin Minsky, a famous and respected name in Artificial Intelligence, was invited to monitor the entire experiment for the past year, and recommended the Indian outsourcing industry for the award. They said that as little as 1% of the support calls were handled by humans; all issue escalations however were handled by humans. However the entire operation was processor and memory intensive, so to ensure smooth operation, calls were put on hold and music was played at appropriate times to allow memory to be freed at regular intervals.

India revisits visionary Sanjay Gandhi's compulsory sterilization scheme

People from all walks of life in India today paid tribute to visionary Sanjay Gandhi, who was almost 40 years ahead of his time with his thinking. For the uninformed, Sanjay Gandhi was credited with the (in)famous, compulsory sterilization programme for men during the mid 70s.

Though severly criticised then, the programme, with a slight modification to suit current conditions, is being seriously considered by the Central and State governments, with the support of the opposition parties. The reason is the spate of rapes that have been reported in recent times, all across the country.

The change from the original programme, envisioned in is that instead of undergoing compulsory sterilization, men will have the choice to undergo either forced castration or forced penectomy. The motivation is to ensure either complete stoppage of testosterone production, or remove the organ necessary for committing the act.

The proposal was put forth by a committee comprising of members from the National Commission for Population, the Ministry of Health and Family Welfare, and the National Commission for Women and will be tabled in parliament during the monsoon session. Hospitals have already launched special early bird offers ever since the news about the proposed law was made public.

Google image search

Google has a TinEye-esque search feature. Not sure if it will become a TinEye killer. I don't get how pictures of people are similar to pictures of Spongebob mushroom. :D