Increased instances of stupidity reported on Bharat Bandh day

by Ramya Iyer  & Staff Correspondent.

An alarming increase in events and mishaps resulting from stupidity is reported on the days of the Bharat Bandh. These  accidents which were easily preventable by application of common sense.

This is the summary of findings accepted for publication in the leading science journal Nature by top psychiatrists and psychologists from NIMHANS. Explaining the causes in simple terms director of NIMHANS & the lead author, Dr. P. Satish Chandra said  "The Bharat Bandh also results in 'dimaag bandh'. That is, the thought centers of people shutdown, so they do things that they would themselves call stupid and repent later". He also attributed peer pressure and conformism as factors. The findings were obtained after analysing data from multiple previous Bharat Bandh days.

Senior political leaders were cautious in their celebrations and congratulations. On the one hand, the findings indicate that common citizen brains shutdown on Bharat Bandh implying high success for their strike call. However, they are also worried that their party cadre might have done something on such days that would  show the party in poor light.

The research paper is titled "An analysis of Strike Calls on Human Brain and Causality to Stupid Actions" and will be part of the next edition of Nature. 

BCCI considering alternatives to player auction

The BCCI, which governs cricket in India, is reportedly considering alternatives to the player auction process for IPL players during the next auctions. A recent sting operation by a TV channel had exposed the issues of spot fixing and illegal payments with franchises and players violating the terms of payment. BCCI President N. Srinivasan, confirmed that talks were ongoing, but refused to disclose details. Sources within the board said "We are considering alternatives that are simpler and not based on money. When there is no money involved, no 'black' payments can be made, and no violations will happen. Auctions could be scrapped altogether."

Sources added that the alternatives being discussed include getting the player to wear a bulls eye t-shirt and come on stage. The franchises shoot one suction cup arrow each, and the arrow that hits the player closest to the center gets him. Another alternative is getting franchises shoot colour coded suction cup arrows for one minute at the player. The franchise with most arrow sticking on the player after 1 minute gets him.

N Srinivasan suggested that an effective way was to give clubs to franchise representatives, and the first one to knock the player on the head gets him. Caveman Style.

Alternatively, the franchise could get the player kidnapped by goons and threatened or beaten up till they agree to play for the franchise. He said he had tried similar tactics with the help of  the police to "cure his son from homosexuality."